I've noticed that, over time, the sting of criticism isn't as bad as it used to be. This is another chapter that required me to almost completely re-write it. In its original form Seraph goes into the pit, fights the monster, almost loses but doesn't, wins, and leaves. You could have skipped it entirely and understood the next chapter.
That is not the mark of a good chapter.
Something surprising needed to happen. Only one thing was a given, Seraph's survival, but everything I could change. I could even have made her lose the fight. You would have had to read the chapter then huh?
I found having the fight leave the arena added a good chaotic dynamic. =3 Interestingly, I found that even after I kicked Seraph and the Oni onto the warehouse floor I wasn't doing a lot with the crowd. Almost every interaction or observation of them I had to add back in after writing Seraph and the Oni's part.
I do love the way I ended this chapter, but I'm also sad that I had to remove one of my favorite lines that I've saved for months to put here. I'll try and add it to the next chapter, but I'm not going to force it. If it doesn't fit I'll just put it here for you guys to read. =)
Read This Chapter
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
The Quest: Chapter 19
Celeste again. =)
I bet a lot of people thought that I was going to have the fight be in this chapter, right after the last little cliff-hanger, but I wanted to draw the tension out a little more. This is the last fight of the book, it deserves to be built up a little.
The phone call with Gabe was originally going to be when Seraph was alone in her cell, but Woodson complained that Celeste wouldn't let her keep a phone on her because she could call for back up or the police or any number of things that could ruin Celeste's day. I was forced to agree, but I felt the conversation with needed to happen, thus its new placement. It was also longer, but Seraph said things that I felt she wouldn't say in front of Celeste, so they were removed.
Celeste's particular method of healing is, of course, really illegal in this world. As well it should be. I needed to have Seraph be in better condition to fight the oni, but it wasn't in Celeste's nature to do anything that isn't in someway horrible. I liked how she didn't understand why what she was doing was upsetting. Celeste is truly a psychopath to her core. And I get another opportunity to horrify and mess with Seraph. Win-win.
I bet a lot of people thought that I was going to have the fight be in this chapter, right after the last little cliff-hanger, but I wanted to draw the tension out a little more. This is the last fight of the book, it deserves to be built up a little.
The phone call with Gabe was originally going to be when Seraph was alone in her cell, but Woodson complained that Celeste wouldn't let her keep a phone on her because she could call for back up or the police or any number of things that could ruin Celeste's day. I was forced to agree, but I felt the conversation with needed to happen, thus its new placement. It was also longer, but Seraph said things that I felt she wouldn't say in front of Celeste, so they were removed.
Celeste's particular method of healing is, of course, really illegal in this world. As well it should be. I needed to have Seraph be in better condition to fight the oni, but it wasn't in Celeste's nature to do anything that isn't in someway horrible. I liked how she didn't understand why what she was doing was upsetting. Celeste is truly a psychopath to her core. And I get another opportunity to horrify and mess with Seraph. Win-win.
The Quest: Chapter 18
As with all the sans-Seraph chapters, this is plotgasming all over the place. We get more to see Kaelyndra step up into the role of sole ruling monarch. While not weak before, ordering the souls of her enemies to be tortured for information puts her firmly into the "do not fuck with" column. On the other hand, she pours a great deal of magic and property damage into trying to save her servant at the end of the chapter. Amira pretty much is there to show that Kaelyndra is, well, a nice person. There is a bit of advice I heard once, "If you're out on a date and the person is nice to you, but not to the waiter, they are not a nice person." Replace waiter with servant and you have a good stick to measure the royals in this world.
But more importantly this chapter has the execution of the goblins and a real introduction for Rhairen, who's name I AWAYS have to look up. >.>;;
I put a lot of thought into the execution method of the fay. If had to be equal parts brutal and elegant, not an easy combo, but I think I hit it on the head by making them kill themselves.
Rhairen is a bit of a mystery. I think I'll let her stay like that for now.
But more importantly this chapter has the execution of the goblins and a real introduction for Rhairen, who's name I AWAYS have to look up. >.>;;
I put a lot of thought into the execution method of the fay. If had to be equal parts brutal and elegant, not an easy combo, but I think I hit it on the head by making them kill themselves.
Rhairen is a bit of a mystery. I think I'll let her stay like that for now.
The Quest: Chapter 17
Celeste is my darling character. I love her to pieces and always feel that I don't quite have the skill needed to nail her down. Woodson and I worked hard on working out just how she would react to things, what she would say and how she would say it. She is completely batshit, but and awesome, smart, sexy batshit. Whom you should never ever for any reason turn your back on.
I also have her in here to widen my monster base. By having her be Japanese (well, half, but don't mention that around her) I can put in all kinds of fun weaboo critters in my story (kitsune, oni, kapa, etc...), none of which Seraph will know, making them in jokes as well. Celeste lets me add layers and layers of awesome!
For some strange reason, Seraph doesn't like her as much as I do.
I also have her in here to widen my monster base. By having her be Japanese (well, half, but don't mention that around her) I can put in all kinds of fun weaboo critters in my story (kitsune, oni, kapa, etc...), none of which Seraph will know, making them in jokes as well. Celeste lets me add layers and layers of awesome!
For some strange reason, Seraph doesn't like her as much as I do.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Bonus Content
I posted a thread on Something Awful called "Tell me about losing consciousness and waking up in a hospital." I got a lot of great responses from it. But they required me to re-write what I had so far. Now, I felt what I had was okay (or at least I thought so), but I wanted to match up to reality a little bit more. BUT I saved it for you here! Enjoy.
Warning, the following is NOT beta read.
It was cold. As darkness receded from her mind like a changing tide, the first thing Seraph knew was the cold. There was pain too, but it seemed detach from her person, as if there was a wall between it and her. No, the pain was not important right now what Seraph need was heat. Why was it so cold? Where was she?
Seraph opened her eyes and saw nothing but lights and shadows. Slowly, as if her eyes had to warm up to the idea of working again, her surroundings came into focus. She was laying in bed in a sterile white room. The lights were dimmed and much of the room lay stubbornly in shadows, but Seraph could still make out the thin sheet that covered her, the guardrails on the bed, an empty chair to one side and a pressboard nightstand to the other. A curtain, hung from a track along the ceiling and pulled forward to hide half the room, was almost but not quite blocking a wall mounted TV. Seraph tried to raise her arm and found she couldn't. It was restrained, both of her arms were bound.
She was in an institution.
Mind numbing fear pushed her up right and almost out of the bed before pain finally stopped her. It felt like she had ripped her left arm off and the pain in her head made her want to throw up. She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut as she breathed through the agony. In through her nose and out through her mouth. In through her nose and out through her mouth. In and out. In and out, in and out.
The pain eventually released its grip on her, allowing Seraph to think once more. She was half out of the bed with one leg already on the floor. Clearly she wasn't tied to it, her right wrist was wrapped in a bandage that secured an IV line. The wrap had done its job well, the IV was still in place despite Seraph's earlier spasm. Her left arm was restrained at least- it was securely immobilized against her body. Judging by the pain radiating from her shoulder, it was probably restrained exactly as it should be. Her face was wet from tears, but she couldn't move her arms well enough to wipe them away. Lifting her head to take in her environment again, she saw that the door, far from being locked and barred, was slightly ajar, letting bright light spill in from the hallway. This was not a magic institution.
Seraph carefully laid back down. She was pretty hurt, yet bandaged up. This must be a hospital.
Why was she in a hospital?
Thinking back, Seraph clearly remember her evening with Mrs. Miller. She remembered Mrs. Miller giving her the ring... then leaving... then... she couldn't remember. What had happened after she got the ring? The ring!
The ring had been in her jeans pocket. Now, Seraph was wearing a standard hospital paper apron. Did the hospital have her clothes and the ring, or had they been lost? Seraph didn't feel the items once she found them, would that change if she really had lost one? If not, how would she get it back?
Next to her hand were the bed controls, featured predominantly was the 'call nurse' button. Seraph pressed it, at least some of her questions would be answered. After a moment she turned on the heating pad. There, two problems solved.
Warning, the following is NOT beta read.
It was cold. As darkness receded from her mind like a changing tide, the first thing Seraph knew was the cold. There was pain too, but it seemed detach from her person, as if there was a wall between it and her. No, the pain was not important right now what Seraph need was heat. Why was it so cold? Where was she?
Seraph opened her eyes and saw nothing but lights and shadows. Slowly, as if her eyes had to warm up to the idea of working again, her surroundings came into focus. She was laying in bed in a sterile white room. The lights were dimmed and much of the room lay stubbornly in shadows, but Seraph could still make out the thin sheet that covered her, the guardrails on the bed, an empty chair to one side and a pressboard nightstand to the other. A curtain, hung from a track along the ceiling and pulled forward to hide half the room, was almost but not quite blocking a wall mounted TV. Seraph tried to raise her arm and found she couldn't. It was restrained, both of her arms were bound.
She was in an institution.
Mind numbing fear pushed her up right and almost out of the bed before pain finally stopped her. It felt like she had ripped her left arm off and the pain in her head made her want to throw up. She gritted her teeth and squeezed her eyes shut as she breathed through the agony. In through her nose and out through her mouth. In through her nose and out through her mouth. In and out. In and out, in and out.
The pain eventually released its grip on her, allowing Seraph to think once more. She was half out of the bed with one leg already on the floor. Clearly she wasn't tied to it, her right wrist was wrapped in a bandage that secured an IV line. The wrap had done its job well, the IV was still in place despite Seraph's earlier spasm. Her left arm was restrained at least- it was securely immobilized against her body. Judging by the pain radiating from her shoulder, it was probably restrained exactly as it should be. Her face was wet from tears, but she couldn't move her arms well enough to wipe them away. Lifting her head to take in her environment again, she saw that the door, far from being locked and barred, was slightly ajar, letting bright light spill in from the hallway. This was not a magic institution.
Seraph carefully laid back down. She was pretty hurt, yet bandaged up. This must be a hospital.
Why was she in a hospital?
Thinking back, Seraph clearly remember her evening with Mrs. Miller. She remembered Mrs. Miller giving her the ring... then leaving... then... she couldn't remember. What had happened after she got the ring? The ring!
The ring had been in her jeans pocket. Now, Seraph was wearing a standard hospital paper apron. Did the hospital have her clothes and the ring, or had they been lost? Seraph didn't feel the items once she found them, would that change if she really had lost one? If not, how would she get it back?
Next to her hand were the bed controls, featured predominantly was the 'call nurse' button. Seraph pressed it, at least some of her questions would be answered. After a moment she turned on the heating pad. There, two problems solved.
Monday, October 4, 2010
The Quest: Chapter 16
Been awhile huh? Let me go back and re-read this, I don't remember what happens.
...
Oh, right! Well, I have two big bits of info here. The first is I finally kicked Seraph out of the closet. The second I kicked the gods out of a different closest- revealing them as real, active players... in whatever it is that they are doing.
The scene had originally set out to just out Seraph. I haven't been able to establish her as gay so far, but I didn't want to spring that on the readers in the second book when Seraph gets with her love interest. I would have liked to bring it up earlier, but I would have had to shoehorn it in there. So I decided to shoehorn it in here!
Of course I had a hard time making it fit, but really this was the only place for it. After this is the climax and the aftermath, so there's no time for her to chill and talk. I don't remember when I decided to make Brad gay too, but his coming out segue for Seraph bring it up as well.
The god thing was a last minute addition, but I like out it turned out. It covers Seraph's coming out with an exposition dump that really will be important later ( OR WILL IT?) and it does a little bit of world building, just to remind you that this... isn't the world you know. =0
(I know that's a quote, but I don't remember from what =P)
Going to also post some bonus content for this chapter! =D
Read This Chapter
...
Oh, right! Well, I have two big bits of info here. The first is I finally kicked Seraph out of the closet. The second I kicked the gods out of a different closest- revealing them as real, active players... in whatever it is that they are doing.
The scene had originally set out to just out Seraph. I haven't been able to establish her as gay so far, but I didn't want to spring that on the readers in the second book when Seraph gets with her love interest. I would have liked to bring it up earlier, but I would have had to shoehorn it in there. So I decided to shoehorn it in here!
Of course I had a hard time making it fit, but really this was the only place for it. After this is the climax and the aftermath, so there's no time for her to chill and talk. I don't remember when I decided to make Brad gay too, but his coming out segue for Seraph bring it up as well.
The god thing was a last minute addition, but I like out it turned out. It covers Seraph's coming out with an exposition dump that really will be important later ( OR WILL IT?) and it does a little bit of world building, just to remind you that this... isn't the world you know. =0
(I know that's a quote, but I don't remember from what =P)
Going to also post some bonus content for this chapter! =D
Read This Chapter
Monday, September 20, 2010
Update! 9/21/10
Hey guys! I have some news, I have a new beta reader, so we can hope new chapters are coming.
Here's something in the mean time: Fan Art!
From my lovely girlfriend, Sarah.
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